aka MAIDEN or BABE
Love is all we have or will ever need. He is my all and everything. I don't need anyone but him to care for me forever.
I always dreamed of my Prince Charming appearing in my life. He would sweep me off my feet in a whirlwind of desire, take me away to his castle and fulfill my every wish. I would only have to wish and all my dreams would come true. I would want for nothing and we will live happily every after.
I am your heart'd desire. It is all about love.
I will love you forever and a day.
All I think about is you. You are my everything. Forever and always.
More than 50% of male batterers are not physically abusive towards any other adults in their lives. They solely assault their intimate partners.
I love you.
Say you'll always be at my side.
The moment he found me, my life changed forever.
I think I'm going to love you for a long, long time.
His kisses feel like they were custom made for me. His lips fit my lips at first gently, then quickly growing passionate. He was on fire.
He came into my life when I was alone, and cared. He said he would always take care of me. He was my knight in shining armor. How could I not trust him with all my heart and soul?
Ever since I could remember is how much growing up, meeting my true love, and getting married was so deeply important to me. I didn't think anything - school, especially - was as important as meeting the man that would be everything to me. My love, my best friend, my support, my leader, the decision-maker, father to my children. I would meet him, our eyes would meet, I'd thrill to his touch. I'd know immediately he was the one true love I was meant to be with and our lives together would be filled with happiness and bliss. I would never want to for anything. He would make my every wish and dream come true. I know my Prince Charming would make me his precious princess and we would live happily ever after. Every one of my wishes would be his command, because he loves me. I will be his everything. Tell me you'll never let me be unhappy.
I want to love you like there will never be a tomorrow.
Oh, baby, hold me tight.
Love is all we need.
I want to be lost in your kisses forever.
You are my everything.You breathe, see, feel, think, and care for me. I do not exist without you. Who would I be without your love? Please love me forever.Technology has become an anonymous and easy way for stalkers to follow their victims.
Our eyes met across the room. I looked away, but when I glanced back again he had not moved or averted his piercing gaze. I felt his dark eyes transfixing my attention. I was as a butterfly caught in a web, but unlike the butterfly fluttering its freedom, I felt drawn into an excitement that fascinated and thrilled me. I felt I was being captivated by love.
All states made "wife beating" illegal by 1920. I often wonder why it took so long? However, it took more than 50 more years for the law to treat domestic abuse as a serious crime.
He has my heart to do with as he pleases, for all eternity.
Tell me you'll never let me go. Tell me you'll follow me to the ends of the earth to make me yours.
It's just as easy to marry a rich man as it is to marry a poor one.
Marry them young and raise them up the way you want them.
Domestic violence victims face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks and other emotional disturbances.
Most women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence were isolated socially and had few social and financial resources.
The United Nationals Development fund for women estimates 1 in 3 women globally will be beaten, raped, or otherwise abused in her liftime, and in most cases abused by a family member.I love you deeply and truly forever.
Women between the ages of 18 to 24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.
When you go fishing, the better the bait, the better the catch. Even if the bait is silicone implants.
Emotional abuse may include constant criticism, name calling, being unfaithful, emotionally neglectful and diminishing the victim's abilities.
Psychological abuse may include fear by intimidation, destruction of pets and property, and forcing isolation from friends and family.
He tilted my face gently but firmly so our eyes met. As his lips came closer to touch my burning mouth, parted in excited anticipation, I saw fervor in his eyes.
I don't see myself as a feminist. I don't hate men. I am very feminine and feel a man's duty and pleasure is to take care of me. Why should I have to do anything that would make me less feminine? My job is to be beautiful and desirable.
My dolls were my bridesmaids. I would dress up as a bride and line up my dolls as my wedding party or court if I was playing queen. Everyone would tell me how pretty I was and what a beautiful bride or queen.Please never leave.
Abusers tend to be very charming and convincing when exerting their control over their victims.
A potential abuser may be eager to move the relationship along too fast, he may seem "too good to be true". Later, he can repeatedly blame others for things that may go wrong, refuse accountability for his actions and may try to control his partner's access to family and friends.
All my dreams will come true when I meet my one true love.
Sweet, dumb, and docile.
Worldwide, men who were exposed to domestic violence as children are three to four times more likely to perpetrate intimate partner violence than men who didn't experience violence as children.
Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teenagers and adults. Boys who witness domestic abuse are far more likely to become abusers, continuing the cycle of abuse into the next generation.
"You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're..."
"I married twice and divorced twice. My third marriage was to a man just like my daddy. He takes care of me all the time."
Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered by husbands, boyfriends, and lovers.
In 2 out of 3 female homicide cases, females are killed by a family member or intimate partner.
Abusers tend to be very charming and convincing when exerting their control over their victims.
Please never leave.
Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.
More than four million women experience physical assault and rape by their intimate partners.
Attempts to leave the relationship can place the victim at greater risk of homicide.
In times of economic downturn, incidents of domestic abuse rise significantly.
aka MOTHER or BITCH
"Don't make me hit you."
I love you.
"She asked for it."
1 in 4 women will be the victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
A woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the U.S.A.
I do this because i love you and care for you.
I love you. Please do not hurt me.
You belong to me. No one else can ever have you.
Touch me with love.
The number one reason domestic violence survivors or return to the abusive relationship is the abuser controls the money.
A 25 year old woman was stabbed to death on Franklin Street and police made a quick arrest that night in what was termed "murder motivated by domestic violence".
Because abusers make it difficult for victims to leave the relationship, many victims can suffer for years.
Women who experience domestic violence are 80% more likely to have a stroke, 70% more likely to have heart disease, 60% more likely to have asthma, and 70% more likely to drink heavily.
She died after bring strangled with her bra strap by her estranged husband. He denies murder, saying he merely lost his temper during an argument over his domestic abuse, infidelity, and debts.
A man previously arrested on suspicion of threatening his estranged wife allegedly bludgeoned her to death and critically injured her neighbor, an off-duty county sheriff deputy. Responding to a 911 call deputies found the victims in a pool of blood on the sidewalk.
Leaving a battering is the most dangerous time in the relationship.
I am sorry I hurt you. I promise never to hit you again. But you have to promise to listen and do what I tell you. Obey.
Humiliating the victim, controlling the victim, withholding information from the victim. Deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim, isolating the victim from friends and family...
Megan worries every day that she'll become a headline, a statistic, a murder that could have been prevented. The twenty-seven year old has an 8-month old daughter, a 7-month old restraining order and a violent ex-boyfriend who will be out of fail in 1 month.
Red flags in the case include the fact his mother requested a restraining order against him as well as his wife.
He shot his wife and her family after shooting his sister, identified by a fifteen-year old survivor.
Women 15 to 44 years old are more likely than women of other ages to be victimized by an intimate. Women in families below $10,000 per year income are more likely to be violently attacked by an intimate.
Only 25% of physical attacks on women are reported annually to police.
I adore you.
You belong to me.
You must obey or be punished.
25% of domestic abuse occurrences are reported annually.
One in three girls is a victim of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse from a dating partner, mirroring other victimization rates.
Thirty percent of female homicides are killed by husbands or boyfriends. This translates into the death of four women a day at the hands of male partners.
Pregnant women who are victims are more likely to suffer from depression and suicide, as engaging in tobacco, alcohol, and drug use during pregnancy.
Each year approximately 1.5 million women in the U.S. are raped or physically assaulted by an intimate partner.
When batterers murder their partners (victims) these tragedies are usually portrayed as "unintentional crimes of passion" caused by the man's intense love for the woman and his inability to live without her. Murder, however, is the ultimate expression of the batterer's need to control the woman's behavior.
John Smith's marriage ended after ten years due to violence towards his wife. Then he had an affair with a 20-year old girl. Tina attempted to drown herself in the bathtub before she finally left. Then Smith began an affair with a 15-year old girl who was also victimized. He tried to drown her by holding her head underwater in the kitchen sink.
Women who are victims of domestic violence are eight times more likely to be killed by an intimate partner if there are guns in the home.
Long before her armed, enraged ex-husband cornered her on a street corner near her home, she felt there was no escape from his violence. She was shot to death in front of her 17-year old daughter.
I will always love you.
I love you. Be mine.
On Friday night, Robert nearly murdered his girlfriend following a fight that went too far. "The seriousness of the attempted murder is a result of the seriousness of the injuries", per the police captain.
If I can't have you, no one will have you.
Black women experience intimate partner violence at rates 35 percent higher than white women.
Please don't hurt me.
Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of female homicides and injury-related death during pregnancy.
Jonathan strangled and drowned Julia in a hotel room bathtub. He then left his wife's body in the tub as he went to the downstairs bar for a drink.
Every minute 2 people are victims of intimate partner violence.
Once she returned to her seat at the dinner, Sam ordered his wife outside. Once outside he began beating her. He pushed her into their car where the beating continued as he drove erratically around the city, hitting her. When they arrived home she ran to the bathroom and locked herself in. He knocked the door down and shot her three times. She died at once.
Love. Honor. Cherish. Obey. Until death do us part.
I love you. Just do what I tell you.
Larry Brown shot his girlfriend and two children to death before setting fire to their home.
A ten year old boy was home late Tuesday night when after years of domestic abuse his father ambushed his mother at home, killing her, and then himself.
The power of fear.
Worldwide, men who were exposed to domestic violence as children are three to four times more likely to perpetuate intimate partner violence as adults then men who did not experience domestic abuse as children.
In the final moments of her life, Alice texted a friend begging him to contact the police. Her husband was armed with a shotgun and a large knife, and she was frantic for her daughters and herself. "Jim just dragged me into our room and put a loaded gun to my head". Just as the first officer arrived he heard two shots. After a while he heard a third shot. The officers searched the house and found Alice dead from two gunshots. her soon-to-be-divorced husband was dead from a self-inflicted shot. Alice's last text was short: "I'm dead. God." The three daughters in the home were not physically harmed.
A woman is seventy times more likely to be murdered in the few weeks after leaving an abusive partner than any other time in the relationship.
"I wouldn't hurt you if you didn't deserve it."
A 25-year old woman was stabbed to death on Frank Street and police arrested her 27-year old husband. A murder motivated by domestic violence.
I will obey.
Please just love me.
Just do as I say.
Your partner may seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be frightening and controlling. At first the abuse may include isolated incidents that your partner expresses remorse and promises never to do again.
"I'm sorry. I love you."
Domestic violence is most likely to take place between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m.
The husband battered his ex-girlfriend unconscious, then left her for dead for two days.
I love you. You're all mine!
Because I said that's why. Now shut up.
He attacked his wife with an ornament and glasses, inflicting multiple wounds. When their six-year old daughter tried to stop her father, he kicked her in the head.
Ten million children are exposed to domestic violence each year.
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.
You are to blame. It's your fault...
Touch me with love.
Please don't hurt me.
aka ATROPOS or BESPOKE*
My dreams of meeting the perfect man and living the perfect life became the perfect nightmare when you showed me your violent and cruel nature. Perfect.
You pretended to care about me and explain to others how clumsy I am. How many excuses can you make up to explain my black eyes, bruises, and broken bones?
Who protected me from violence? The person who promised to love and cherish me, and be me senseless?
How can you justify abusing me while expecting me to lovingly care for you? That is slavery.
Battering victims fear no one will believe them.
You believe your wants and needs are my responsibility. You are wrong.
Domestic violence is still violence.
Domestic violence involves a behavior pattern of fear and intimidation.
Intimate partner abusers can use tactics to make you feel unable to make competent decisions.
Violence against women is any assault physically, psychologically, or socially, resulting in a lack of choices or freedom. Limiting through fear.
The double standard of our society condone aggression in males, but not in females. Women are socialized to be passive. To "take it", not be "ball busters".
Too many women remain as a victim in a relationship for years. When they make an attempt to leave, they may find they are not strong enough to leave. Her lack of confidence and perceived lack of support may make her remain a victim.
Fear of the unknown kept me in an abusive relationship. Verbal. Psychological. Physical. The unknown is not as terrifying as you, the person that tells me they love and cherish me.
Fear of the unknown, the enforced dependence on the abuser, shame of disclosure, the insidious and pervasive assault on confidence are all tools of the abuser. The abuser develops and perfects their painful manipulations with practice upon the victim. It only escalates.
Violence against women is found in cultures as acceptable behavior. The victims are manipulated into believing it is acceptable or the violence is due to their own behavior or shortcomings. They feel they cannot complain or deserve better - non-violent - behavior.
After being hit in the head for years and told you are stupid and incompetent, you find it hard to believe otherwise.
Intimidation. Control. Abuse. Lies. Denigration. Sarcasm. Belittling.
Your sticks and stones have hurt me. Words have wounded my soul.
Emotional abuse leaves deeper, more long lasting scars.
You may think of justifications or reasons for abusing me, but there is no excuse.
No more violence to women and children and those who say you love.
Violence against women is pervasive throughout the world, often promoted by religions.
A religion that endorses an inherent evil of women is not a spiritual belief based on love.
Societies control women's reproductive capabilities until we are no longer capable of breeding. Then we are shunted aside.
Abuse is hate.
Abuse is control.
Abuse is born from fear.
An abusive fight ends with dominance and female submission.
Emotional abuse leaves deeper scars than a beating.
Elder abuse includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, financial exploitation, nelect, and abandonment.
Violence against women inhibits them from creating a better life for their families and themselves.
Every act of violence changes our lives by outside limitations. Fear can limit our choices.
Domestic violence is still a crime even if they tell you they love you after they beat you.
When I was younger, I could duck and dodge the blows and kicks. Now I am older and cannot move as fast. He is older, too, so he uses verbal abuse and hits me with his cane.
Abusers choose to abuse. I choose not be free of your abuse.
You dismiss me as old and beyond worth because me eggs are no longer fertile; my skin wrinkled and breasts sagging. I am no longer sexually desirable, so I am discarded.
A woman is at high risk of being violently assaulted after leaving an abusive relationship.
Who ever gave you the right to abuse us?
Abuse is hate.
You isolated me from my family and friends, kept me from communication, told me I was stupid and useless, and threatened me with violence. I finally found the courage to leave you when you began to look for someone younger. Now I see you clearly. How you hurt and manipulated me for control. I am free. Who will be your next victim?
My confidence was eroded by years of your verbal and physical abuse. I found my courage when you abused our children. The cycle will be broken. No more abuse.
I will not longer be your scapegoat. You alone are responsible for your insecurities and failings. I cannot and will not be the reason for your ills.
I will not longer submit to your control, your abuse, your anger. You.
You cannot hide your abuse behind locked doors and false fronts.
Take your misogynist beliefs to a place where you can dwell along with your hatred.
I cannot fix you. I will not be responsible for your problems.
I am a survivor. You are an abuser. I will grow stronger. You will seek your next victim.
I had to protect my children, and myself.
You battered my self-esteem, but I am a survivor. I am restoring myself.
I trusted you.
Stop hurting me.
Violence is not acceptable.
No more cowardly violence on those weaker than you. Pick on someone your own size. Even better, learn to control your anger.
You cannot hurt me anymore.
Your inadequacies are not solved by beating me, belittling me, or diminishing others.
You liked me as dumb and docile, and now that I am neither I am useless, or even worse, a ball buster. I am now steel from the fire of your anger.
Your hatred of anything good, true, beautiful, or innocent makes you destroy. I am a creator. You hate my ability to create.
I will live truthfully.
I am not a punching bag. Ever.
I am not your possession.
I will not longer submit to your demeaning attitude.
I ask for human respect.
I will not bear the brunt of your fear and anger any longer.
I have ceased attempting to please you, understand you, anticipate your needs, and read your mind, all in order to avoid your anger. Now I will simply avoid you.
You will not molest me again.
I will not allow you to make me feel inferior anymore.
My soul will not carry the weight of wrongs inflicted on others and me. You alone are responsible for your actions.
You have shamed me and I feel worthless. Somehow I have found the courage to stop believing you and trust in myself.
I am not crazy to leave you. I am if I stay.
Despite your horrendous belief in my deserved degradation and worthlessness, I survive.
I would prefer a shopping cart life rather than being imprisoned in a house of pain and sadness.
I choose to be free of your control.
I will not be enslaved to your immense need to demean and control.
I will not longer be a victim.
Love is never expressed through violent and hurtful behavior.
You are not the best for me, because you never wanted the best for me.
You will never touch me again.
You will not isolate me any longer.
I will not wait for death to release me from your torture. I will go now.
No more chances. Good bye.
Silence no more.
The unspeakable must be spoken.
Love is not enough.
Love is not abuse.
No more secrets.
No more punishments.
No more control through fear and paint.
No more violence towards women, children, anyone.
No more cruelty.
Not ever again.
I deserve better.
I ask for human respect.
I am no longer a victim for your abuse and violence. I am free.
No more anguish. I am done.
No time for tears. Keep moving forward.
I knew I was in me somewhere.
How did I survive?
I deserve love.
Freedom at last.
Believe in yourself. Do not believe you deserve abuse.
I will be free.
Love is not pain. Ever.
No more pain.
Survivor of violence.
I will not only survive, I will thrive.
I am a survivor.
I have found my name and it is not spelled v-i-c-t-i-m.
* Bespoke is being used in the archaic meaning of "to fortell" or "forbode", as your singular fate.
The Three Fates is an assemblage sculpture group utilizing an ancient Greek legend of three stages of life for humans. These figures address the intense issue of domestic abuse and violence towards women. Twenty people per minute are abused by an intimate partner in the United States; eighty five percent women victims.
The three figures are called the Fates (Moirai or Moerae in Greek), the deities of destiny. They are three sisters, daughters of Zeus and possibly the goddess of divine order, Themis. The sisters are called Clotho ("the spinner"), Lachesis ("the apportioner"), and Atropos ("the inevitable"). Clotho holds the un-spun wool symbolizing the beginning of a life. Lachesis, the apportioner, spins the thread of the length of a life, and Atropos, the third sister and inevitable, cuts the thread, thereby ending the life.
I have termed the sisters in the Neopagan term of the Triple Goddess: Maiden, Mother and Crone. The Maiden is labeled BABE; the Mother is termed BITCH, and the Crone as BESPOKE (in the obsolete, archaic meaning of "to foretell").
· All figures have rock salt visages. In the Bible, Lot's wife, turned into a pillar of salt, had no name. The accretion of salt on the figures increases with time and experiences. Wedding dresses are worn with hopes, dreams, and expectations of living in happiness, forever. These used dresses are covered with writing of domestic abuse progression: hopes, dreams and wishes, followed by experiences, phrases, statistics, and statements.
· The Maiden (Clotho, or Babe), with her un-spun wool, illustrates the beginning of her young life, speaking of romantic expectations, ideas, innocence and gullibility. Her writing is in pink, her featureless face blindfolded.
· The Mother (Lachesis or Bitch) is more thickly bandaged with her hair in disarray, her dress covered in white writing (rendering it almost invisible, as domestic abuse is often hidden), and is tightly wrapped with the spun thread: the confusion and guilt of her abused life.
· Atropos (Crone or Bespoke) was considered to be the most terrible of the three sisters, as she was the inevitable. Unlike the most common depictions of the Crone as aged, shriveled and useless, she is the strongest of the three: a survivor of abuse. She is the most thickly bandaged, her writing in to the bone gray and black. Atropos has words of strength, survival, moving forward. She cuts the thread of fate - of abuse - with a sword held in her steel gray hands, demonstrating her power. She has endured and lived to tell the tale.
SEE BELOW FOR WRITING ON EACH DRESS.
Used wedding dress fragments, wedding veil netting, fabric transfer sheets with lettering, silk flowers, stones, pearls, embroidery thread, ink.
Dimensions variable: approximately 80" height x 36" width x 120" length
Clotho (Maiden, or Babe), Lachesis (Mother, or Bitch), Atropos (Crone, or Bespoke*)
Used wedding dresses, used wedding veils with headpieces, used wigs, unspun wool, wool yarn, pearls, mannequins, rock salt, plaster of Paris, painted writing, stamping ink, pen, cloth opera gloves, used wedding veils, cotton rope, metal sword, faux pearl necklaces, wire, paint, wood, metal.
*Bespoke, in it's archaic or obsolete meaning, is "to fortell; forbode".)
Dimensions variable - Each figure approximately 6'-6" height x 5' width x 10-15' length. Grouping is 15' width x 18'-20' length.
SEE BELOW FOR WRITING ON EACH DRESS.
Clotho, also known as Maiden or Babe
Atropos, also known as Crone or Bespoke
Lachesis, also known as Mother or Bitch
The Shroud is symbolically illustrating the pain of domestic abuse: violence against intimate partners. Disparate pieces of used wedding dresses are randomly connected to create a shroud. A shroud, as in burial use, is also defined as enveloping or obscuring something, as domestic abuse and spousal murder is hidden. Written articles, statements, depictions and words of abuse, including spousal murder of both sexes, are overlaid on the material. The wedding veil netting creates pockets for stones, and stones - fit for a hand - are scattered on the extension of the shroud. The stones are symbolic of pain and punishment. The "apron" covering the face is appliqued with pearls in the word "OBEY". The bow at the rear of the head is a symbol of tying, or attachment. Poppies, in flower language, mean sleep, silence, healing. Pink also signifies innocence. Flowers, as used in ceremonies of marriage and death, signify fertility, profusion and re-birth.